Lifting the Veil of the Past

As discussed in The Magnet of the Past the past can tether us, locking us in a viscious circle where we continue to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.  We relive the past and continue to project the past on the current moment, and envision it occuring out into our future – offering no escape.

So what tethers us?  There are many things, and you may have some that immediately come to mind.  Possibly:

• -People that have hurt you deeply, and you now carry that with you into new relationships, only to be hurt again.
• -A traumatic experience such a car crash, physical attack, robbery, break-in, sexual assault, which plays over and over in the mind, not allowing you to move forward with the type of life you want to lead.
• -You feel that everyone views you as one thing, and to change would disappoint them.  So you stay as you are simply because it is the role you are expected to play in other people’s lives.  You view the past as who you are, and thus stay that way, even though you want to change what you are now.
• -A failed attempt at something.  The feelings we experienced when we failed may not have been good – such as embarrassment, shame, guilt, etc and so we do not attempt to again.  The failure stays with us, and prevents us from moving forward.
• -A success where you got exactly what you wanted – and it turned out bad.  Sometimes success can be as bad as failure, because we find out it is really not what we wanted after all.  It leaves a foul taste in our mouth and so we stop trying to live our life, and instead sit passively watching the world go by…trying to stay out its way.
• -A belief, often rooted at a young age or because of a traumatic experience, where we see ourselves as unattractive, unlovable, unsuccessful, undeserving.

There are many examples, these are but a few.  Say out loud what it is that tethers you, what holds you back from experiencing what you want.  It is very important to say it outloud.  Saying it in the head and saying it outloud are very different.  You may find that saying it in your head is easier, while speaking it out load creates a strong emotion – an emotional release.  Allow yourself this emotional release.  Express out loud what keeps you confined.

One of the most interesting concepts I have come across in recent years is the idea of zeroing in on pain.  Originally the idea was presented on physical pain.  In Western Society we love to mask pain, to attempt to take our attention off of pain.  Yet when you think about it, this is a very odd approach.  Pain is a signal to our brain that a certain area of our body needs a attention.  It is a beacon which indicates focus and attention is needed in a precise location.  By focusing on the area, moving our attention to the center of pain, some comfort can be found and our attention of experiencing the pain fully can actually help speed the healing process.  Instead we usually think horrible things about the pain which adds additional discomfort ontop of the pain.  Focus fully on the pain, sink into and do not fight it in anyway.  Don’t try to change, just let your attention rest in the pain.

Psychologically we should do the same thing, but we do not.  We weasle our way through our own minds to avoid confronting which we know is right in front of us.  We think about our traumatic events, our “tethering events” but we do not accept them.  Because we have not accepted the event, it is continually put in front of us.  It is our pain saying “HEY! Focus on me!”  But we turn our head and don’t focus on it, instead we try to fight it, to forget about it, or try to heap posivity on top of it in an attempt to will it out of our life.  Not working is it?

We continue to face the same things because we are not confronting the very thing that we need to.  And until we do it will re-occur.  As an example, the man who continually has woman in his life that take advantage of him financially will never escape the cycle unless he accepts certain things about himself:

Here are some possible things we may need to accept:

-He is using money to attract woman

-He feels money is his only thing of value

-He feels worthless without money and without a woman

-He always has an excuse to leave (he dangles the carrot and she bites, and he has an exit and can call her a gold digger, protecting his ego).

A woman who finds herself being continually treated badly by the men she dates may possibly have to accept the following about herself:

-She does not believe she deserves a good man.

-Believes she is unattractive, and deserving of such treatment

-Feels comfortable in a “rough” environment

-She invites confrontation

-Having a man that holds her back and stifles her provides an excuse for not seeking her goals (which can be an even scarier endeavor)

Someone who continually relives an event or incident over and over again, and it is affecting their current life, may need to accept:

-say out loud a summary of what occurred, using words that you don’t want to admit

-What someone did to you is not about you, it is about them (even though it affected you)

-He/she is responsible, or at least partially responsible for what happened

-Personal behavior was directly linked to the event, and therefore the event will reoccur if the behaviour is not changed

-He/she may not want to change the behavior

-The event or incident is now being used as a crutch, as an excuse for not moving on and doing what needs to be done

Notice the focus of the acceptance is personal.  It does not have to do with others.

These are not exhaustive lists by any means.  And each person may need to accept different things, but hopefully this provides some ideas on what to look for.  There are many things which need to accepted when we bring an issue to the surface.  Do not fight any aspect of it or try to suppress it, it is all there in the mind anyway.

Whatever it is that tethers you, say these things out loud.  Admit them to yourself verbally, after all, your subconscious is saying them anyway.  Pull these thoughts from the subconscious into physical reality.  And then go inside each of these beliefs.  Focus on them.  Ask yourself questions about each one.  Think of counter examples.  But most importantly bring all these beliefs that you carry about yourself, which are related to these past experiences, to the surface (say them OUT LOUD).  This is the first step in accepting – find the beliefs related to the experience and express the beliefs.

This is you.  It is not sugar coated, it is not trying to be something it is not, it is you and your experiences.  Don’t try to put a positive spin on anything.  State things as they are.

Ask yourself how these beliefs (and related experiences) hurt you?  Then ask yourself how they serve you?

This second question may take some time, because it is a not a question we generally ask about things we don’t like.  But how does what you do serve you? And now that you are admitting to yourself all these things, how can they serve you going forward?

The next article will look at a tactic for understanding our negative experiences better, and turning all that negative energy into an ally.

Dig deep,

Cory Mitchell