In his book “Inspiration” Dr. Wayne Dyer talks about the Bebemba tribe in Africa. It is a wonderful enlightening insight into how problems and “problem people” are handled in this tribe. It provides a very strong case that instead of tearing people down when their life has become self destructive (and destructive to those around them) we can do far more good opting to focusing on all the positive, and not the negative. This positive approach has much broader and far reaching implications, and often longer term results. Also, this approach is much more proactive, in that living in a community that promotes this sort of positivity will likely see way few problems than one such as ours which generally focuses on the negative.
The following is an excerpt from the book “Inspiration: Your Ultimate Calling” by Dr. Wayne Dyer
The Babemba tribe of southern Africa has a social structure with an elementary criminal code. Their close community living makes harshness unnecessary. A visitor was deeply impressed by the tribe’s handling of antisocial, delinquent behaviors, which are exceedingly infrequent.
When a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he/she is placed in the center of the village, alone, unfettered. All work ceases. All gather around the accused individual. Then each person of every age, begins to talk out loud to the accused. One at a time, each person tells all the good things the one in the center ever did in his/her lifetime.
Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to fabricate, exaggerate or be facetious about accomplishments or positive aspects of the accused person.
The tribal ceremony often lasts several days, not ceasing until everyone is drained of every positive comment that can be mustered. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe. Necessity for such ceremonies is rare!
So what can we take from this? We should realize that this can be applied to everyday situations. Do not be so quick to tear down someones decisions, even if the decision does appear to be foolish. Provide support. You do not need to condone the action, but you can show the person you love them, and that may be enough to slowly bring them out of the destructive state. Showing love for them in a consistent manner will make it more likely that they will come to love themself than if you simply berate them.
I am not saying that current methods of intervention used in our society don’t work. They can work. But I find this approach is so much more uplifting and if it was instilled on a daily basis, where we raise people up instead of tearing them down, the need for interventions of any kind would be very rare indeed.
Make an effort in each interaction to say something nice. Then, more importantly make it habit to say something nice instead of a criticism. Resist the urge to criticize and instead say something uplifting instead. Small changes can ripple out and have profound impacts.
~Cory Mitchell
