A Glimpse at Love and Soulmates

This a big topic, and one that is so close to our hearts, so many articles will be posted on this topic over the coming months.  I am also working on a second book which will go into this fully.  But for starters here is the short edition of some of my views.

We are so entwined in the belief that real love can only involve suffering, and that without suffering true love can not exist – so I do expect some resistance to what is written here.  That is fine.  I encourage you to write your comments.  I have engaged in many dialogue in different groups on this subject and have always enjoyed hearing peoples views on love.  These are simply some of my own views, by I do think that if implemented these ideas bring us closer to the concept of unconditional love.  Often we like imposing our conditions of love on others (it creates a false sense of security)…but we must realize love is not about wanting.  It is about giving….

One note before I start, even if you believe that real love involves suffering, then likely you have already suffered.  You know what suffering is all about, you have experienced it.  So now that you know about the suffering, does it need to be included in real love?  Suffering does not need to be perpetual.  We can learn from it and move and on.  Moving on is embracing love without the entwining it with suffering.

…….

Before we can ever have the rich full love that is often dreamed about when we think about our soulmate, we need to love ourselves first. If we don’t love ourselves first our relationships will always be riddled with the same problems that occur in relationships which are occurring now. This lack of self love causes jealousy, anxiety, tempers, cheating and worst of all it causes stress and anxiety about things that have not even occurred but are completely imagined.

The interesting thing is that once you have that self love, you can have an amazing experience with just about anyone. This is because you experience every moment of it, in the moment – you are not worried and thinking about yourself and if you are good enough or if the person will break up with you.  You stop worrying about if they are good enough for you, and you simply enjoy the current experience for what it is.  It may be utterly romantic or it may be friendly.

But that said, I do still think we have soul mates. Soulmates are people we have known from previous lives and not all of these soulmates will be sexual. Yet we may come across ones that are. I definitely feel I have soul mates in my life, but at this moment, not in a romantic way.

In the end we are the only ones that can bring ourselves happiness. If we seek out someone to fill a void in our life, we will definitely suffer. No one can bring us long term happiness or fulfillment in life but ourselves.  At times we will not feel we are not full of self-love.  The partner we choose should bring it out of us though.  They don’t try to fill a void in our life, for to try to fill a void in someones life is cause them suffering if they end up taking separate paths.  Rather your partner should strive to create an environment where you find it easy to love yourself.  We also strive to do this for our partner – and you do this by loving them without condition.

How do we find that person?  There are a lot of great people out there. You just have to feel good enough about yourself to go for the people you think are great. Easier said than done, I know. But if we feel poorly about ourselves we only go for and approach people that we think would take us – people with lots of baggage, problems, insecurities, abusive, possessive, jealous, etc (all these things to a greater or lesser degree depending on how we feel about our self.  If we see ourselves poorly, we will go for someone we also view poorly – this often happens (be honest).  We will take the exact amount of abuse from someone else that we give to our self.  If we take more from someone than we give our self, we walk away.  But if we abuse ourselves a lot in the way of negative thinking, then we will be willing to accept an extreme amount of suffering from someone else. (one side note, once we love ourselves we will still likely allow negative people in our life because we want to show them love.  But once we love our self, this negativity does not affect us because we realize the negative reaction we see are about that person, and have nothing to do with us.)

If you are filled with self love you will only accept people into your romantic life that resonate with that loving energy and will give it back to you.  You will know that you deserve that, and your partner will know that they deserve that.  This results in a very healthy relationship which is not based on neediness, but rather mutual respect, love, enjoying the experience and having fun.

By adopting this belief we set our partners free.  We don’t tie to them down to us, instead we allow them to be anything they want be, without condition.  For this very reason likely they will stay with us because they realize the amazing gift they have been given.

So it begs the question, if only people full of self love seek out other people that are full self love, how do those that do not feel good about themselves currently find true love?  Those that are feeling poorly about themselves will be inspired by the fact that someone shows them love.  Those that have self love, must express love to the outside world.  Even if it is not romantic.  So often we shun those we don’t want to date because we feel we may hurt them.  By doing this we only show them more of a world that is lacking in love, and we do nothing to bring them out of their state of self-hate.  We obviously will not love everyone romantically but if we can show friendly love to all people we move everyone in the right direction.  Thus people in our lives will be more likely to seek out partners that will uplift them instead of drag them down.

All of us must work on feeling complete on our own.  No one else can complete us. If we seek out someone else to fill a void in our life we only bring suffering upon us.  With that said though, when we find our soulmate there is a synergistic merging of souls where we become more than we could have been on our own.

Again, this is an intro to a large topic.  I hope to write more on it soon.  The issue of sex will also be discussed.  Sex causes a lot of suffering which is so ironic as it one of the most amazing way to connect with someone we have.  But that connectedness is often lacking and that leads to suffering.  But that is another topic and for another day.  But by adopting the above views this issue starts to dissolve.

Blessings,

P.S.  I thought I should add something at the bottom.  We are still human and as such if we lose a partner we will feel sad.  That is fine and normal.  By adopting these views I am not all saying we become love robots as that is likely not possible at all times.  We will feel hurt at times, but we do not worry about that hurt until it actually arrives, if it arrives.  My grandparents were married for 60 years before my grandmother passed away.  When she died there was suffering for my grandfather.  But if we love unconditionally we are happy for them that they have been able to move on.  We give them our blessing when they move on (in life or from the relationship) because it is not about us.  If we love them it is about them.  If we have self love we are able to move on ourselves.

This view is making our relationships have a lot less suffering, loving fully in this moment, and not focusing on things that may happen in the future.  By showing love in the moment is the only way we can truly give to our partner.  I have said this before in different articles, but if we truly give ourselves we can never feel taken from.

Blessing again,

~Cory Mitchell