Love, Soulmates and Relationships

Here is a little continuation to the Glimpse at Love and Soulmates post. A few comments and questions have arisen which I will touch on (thank you to those of you who sent emails or posted comments on the different places this article was posted)

Here are a few things that have been raised
-cultural difference, lack of choice for woman
-what about traditional values such as honesty, respect and understanding
-one sided relationships; when one person loves and the other doesn’t

Here is my brief response, as this topic will receive much more coverage in the future on my website and in these notes.
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You raise many good points. In most of what I write, I am trying to dig to the deepest possible point of many problems. In other words, I am looking to solve the problem, not the symptoms. And that is the case with this recent post I put up.

I agree that respect, understanding and honesty are crucial to a relationship. If those are there, a relationship has a much better chance of working. But the point I was trying to make, is that if we give our self to our partner and don’t demand anything of them, all these things happen naturally. And if I give this to the other person, likely they will give it back to me. Although, sometimes they will not…like you said, sometimes relationships are one sided causing us pain.

But this brings me to my point. If we truly want the best for the other person, we will be able to walk away if they do not love us. This does not mean it will not hurt – for a time we will feel a sense a loss. But we must continue to give our love, and in doing so we will heal much quicker and will not carry that resentment that many people carry from one relationship to the next. We can all admit this is a huge problem. We have been hurt, and we bring all that hurt into the next relationship which causes many more problems. But if we want to change our relationships, we must stop this cycle. We must continue to show love and keep ourselves open even when the past has not worked out. The past is gone, only this moment right now matters. If we forget this moment and live in the past or future, it is much more likely we will blow it. Why? Because by focusing the past we bring that baggage into the present, and by looking to the future we concern ourselves with what might be, and we cannot know what will be, so it is pure speculation. Worry and anxiety are created from speculation almost all the time. If we stop making so many assumptions our anxiety levels go way way down.

In this way we are much more free to “freely” love. Now, for something you are all going to hate me for (in this discussion on love). Everything in this world is temporary. Love, in this physical reality is temporary. Everyone we love will eventually leave us, whether they die or they simply take a different path. And we will eventually leave everyone that loves us on this earth (the afterlife is discussed on my website, so we are always with the ones we love even after we/they die, but lets stick to the physical world for this article) If we can come to terms with this now, we save ourselves a lot of time in grieving. It does not mean we will not hurt, as I have said before and will say again, it simply means we feel our pain and then move on.

Now I know some of you are thinking this through and don’t like it. But if you realize something is temporary, aren’t you more likely to enjoy the heck out of it today? I think so. If someone gave me $10,000 and said I have to spend it by tomorrow I can guarantee you that me and those bills are going to have a great day today. The point is, today is what matters. If we enjoy today with our partner and not worry about what might arise, it more likely that partner will be there tomorrow. And if they are not, at least we embraced fully what time we did have. All things are temporary, so it is making the best of them while we have them that is important.

You also brought up another excellent point. I write generally for a US and Canadian audience, yet now I have many friends on Facebook and that visit my site from many different countries. There are cultural differences between us. BUT, i do feel what I talk about applies to all humanity (and no I don’t think I have the all the answers, all this is just my story) – but with some cultures it is much much harder to make these changes. For instance, woman from my country are generally treated with more respect and have many options available to them (but lets face it, respect in all countries for everyone could definitely be brought up a tonne). Some other countries do not have this. This makes it very hard for woman in these countries to CHOOSE to be in happy relationships. They may be forced into a marriage, or forced to stay in an unhealthy environment. I understand this, and I hope that soon the entire world will shift towards allowing all people to have more choices when it comes to their own path in life.

For me it comes down to showing love, even when it is hard. And it is hard, I am not denying that. Ask my friends, I am not Mr. Chipper all the time. But be real, feel your emotions, but don’t cling to those emotions. Emotions have a place, but as we progress from one moment to the next we must embrace each new moment that comes, and each new experience that comes with it.

Love creates a light in even the darkest corners, and thus even experiences/relationships which we perceive as bad can be made a little better by showing love.

On that last note, I think we should make the best of all circumstances…but if someone is hurting us physically or verbally and they continue to do it even after we have put in our best effort to show love, it is time to get out of there.

Thank you so much for your emails and comments

~Cory Mitchell