What is the fundamental source of conflict? Why does it occur? Why can it be so hard to move beyond it? Even with a desire to get it out of our life, it can be hard, unless we understand why it occurs. And the reason it occurs has nothing to do with conflict per se – but with energy.
I know some people get turned off by this “energy” talk. But, if you really want to create a better life, this topic needs to at least be looked at (and hopefully my thoughts aren’t too scattered and make some sense).
Conflict is created when an individual views energy and resources as finite. By this I mean, if I view myself negatively, but want to give myself a slight boost…I can get this boost by bring down something else. I can do this by taking something from them, dominating or them or abusing. When this happens we can see a physical reduction of the person who was just abused. Energy leaves them, and they are left with a defeated look. The abuser on the other hand absorbs the energy that was lost by the other person. They are given a “kick” or a “boost”.
Like a drug, this is very addictive. And so conflict continues and is perpetuated because those who are left beaten and defeated must now take energy from someone else. They do this by unloading, abusing, and engaging in conflicts with others. The problem is that there is no end this cycle, as long we view the world in the sense that we need to take from others in order to sustain ourselves. I mean this both in the physical and psychological sense.
So how do we get ourselves out of this loop? The start of the problem is based on the idea that we have a certain amount of energy which must be preserved. If that energy gets depleted we need to take it some somewhere else to get it back.
Think about a relationship for a moment? In your relationships is there constantly a power struggle? Are you always trying win the argument? If so think about what you are really after? It is not really about the focal point of the argument likely…because in the broad scope it likely matters very little…so the conflict is actually about winning or an addiction to conflict for the simple fact that you might win and get your satisfaction. And that is what winning gives us… A boost, satisfaction,…and it leaves the other person a bit more deflated. (please note winning is fine, and I love competition, but it should not define our life and who feel we innately are – competition should be used to improve, not destroy)
Taking the wind out of someones sails to give ourselves a push does feel good. But it is a short term phenomenon which results in a constant give and take of energy. To escape this we need to start to realize that this universe is far bigger than we are. We can draw energy to ourselves from a source outside of ourselves which can replenish us. You can view this as coming from some infinite source, such as may be visualized in meditation, or it be more physical.
Are there certain areas where you just feel energized? There are certain spots in the valley where I live that seem like they are supercharged with energy. The forests, and plants, the lake the mountains, are all energy and that energy can be channeled through us if we simply take time to appreciate it. Take a moment and really marvel at the world, and what you are marveling at will give you its energy.
It may sound like BS if you have never really experienced this, so let me you give you another example. Have you every been with, or met someone, who just made you feel extremely comfortable? Maybe even before you had a chance to get to know them you felt empowered in their presence, you felt articulate and like you could take on the world so to speak. Why do you think that occurred? You may not have known the person so it was not familiarity which created this feeling, rather it was their energy, their aura which gave you a boost. This person was giving you energy, whether you or them realized it, energy was moving from them to you.
Once we realize that energy can be given to us from everything around us, we no longer need to take it. And we can even start give energy to those that need it. We can give our energy to the person who loves conflict, thus likely avoiding some conflicts because they don’t need to fill that void. You are better off, because you know you can replenish and rebalance yourself whenever you need to, without hurting anyone. And the other person feels better about them self as well. You have stopped the cycle…or someone else may have stopped the cycle with you.
Everyone is left feeling better, because we not taking each others energy/positivity/self esteem. Rather we are pulling it from places which are willing to give it to us. Look at the world, there is more beauty, love and amazement than we can ever even fully see, and even after we experience it remains for another to experience.
Instead of a negative cycle where I take your self esteem and power, and in return you try to get it back and someone else also attacks me…and then I need to take your power again, we can move into a positive loop. Lets see how this works….
Let’s go back to the example of the person you just met where you feel very at peace and energized while in their company. This person has given you their energy, and the reason does not matter. You can in turn appreciate this, and by appreciating their act you begin to reciprocate energy back to them. You must realize that you are not going to leave yourself feeling empty by giving them uplifting energy. New energy is created simply by your appreciation. This energy elevates and you both leave feeling good, and ready to share that energy with others.
Certain factors will drain positive feeling, but once we know to recharge, we won’t need to worry about it or engage in conflicts to regain a lost feeling. We can create this energy within ourselves, by appreciating nature or by appreciating others. We can start to be the change in our lives simply by stopping the negative cycle, and giving someone some positive energy, even if we don’t think they deserve it. By doing this we both benefit. If you believe in a God, which is infinite in power and an abundant source, then we can also draw from this by appreciating that awesome power. By appreciation it becomes our own…to share.
~Cory Mitchell
The next article/post will likely be a continuation of this as it is a topic that is so misunderstood and needs our awareness.