Self Sabatoge, Conflict, Problems, Unrest and the Evolution of the Self

It took some time for me to figure out how exactly I wanted to approach this issue. A book could be written on this topic, but for now I will try to paint a portrait of this idea using a few words. I struggle with releasing this, because like a detailed scene, trying to describe it in short order does not do actually experiencing the scene justice, so with that said I ask you take what is presented here and use it to see the broader strokes of our lives.

There are so many things which we deal with, and when they are tackled individually it can seem overwhelming.

We wonder why we are held back from things we want and then destroy it when we get it. Why we attract what we don’t want, and then hang on to it even though we know it is not good for us. We fight with the ones we love and then let complete strangers get away with just about anything including hurting us and others. We feel unrest because we want a better life…we feel even more unrest because we can see how we might get there (or how others have gotten there) but for whatever reason we can’t force ourselves to do it. We may feel even more restless and disturbed when we get that life we dreamed of and see it is not what was expected.

Some of these issues were covered in the last article on self-sabotage, or it at least addressed some of the underlying elements of it. Awareness is power, and maybe those issues discussed brought some awareness, but possibly that awareness needs a context.

The problem is that often we tackle one issue at a time, we treat each moment like it is entirely different from everything that has happened. For example, trust that has been built over years, is crushed in a moment by an unverified rumor. We must consider that there is an evolution of ourselves going on, and that one moment does not define us…yet the culmination of many moments do. What those moments define is also up to us and our interpretation of them. How we have defined our life so far, does not have to be what we represent now or going forward.

Our personal evolution, and thus the evolution of ideas and cultures is pretty clear. We have come a long way. Look back to medieval times, where there was really no hope of a better life if you were born as a peasant. Woman had no rights, death, war and disease was across much of the globe. The church ruled with an iron fist and contrary thought resulted in the contrary to life for you (you dead!). Despite many saying that the world is going down the toilet, I feel the exact opposite very strongly. We are evolving for the better. Generally people are open to new ideas, at least more so than several generations, decades, and centuries ago. We have a long way to go still, but the world over is awakening.

While this has created different factions of thinking, these factions are starting to converge on certain levels. Churches are less rigid about homosexuality, and are allowing woman to be ministers and preachers as equality is embraced. Quantum physics and spirituality are merging, teaching each other. More doctors are accepting holistic approaches, and vice versa for certain issues. The FDA wanting to control herbs and vitamins is proof of this. While I hope this does not happen, it still shows the holistic approach is gaining steam once again. The world is improving overall and has advanced a long way…now we just need to bring some of those advancements together and realize one approach is not better than another, but rather a combining of approaches will be the greatest advancement.

Think for a moment about evolution…not fish crawling onto land, or the emergence of the thumb, or even the progression of society through time…but rather the evolution of your self. Have you ever thought of your life as a story?

Not only is your story your current life, but there are volumes of your story which were written before you were born. Your story exists because of someone else’s story – your parents. Don’t worry, I am not going to go Freud here, but if we look at our story as it is now, how it started, why it started, and where it is going, many things may begin to make sense.

Through this process many problems become not worrisome but interesting because they are leading us to the full evolution of our self. At the moment this likely makes no sense, so lets look at this from an absolute basic level. As we go through this, think about your own life. Think about how things have aligned for certain things which have occurred, and then think about how those occurrences and what is happening now is aligning for what you set out to do on this planet. Think about how the struggles you currently face will actually help you in achieving your vision for your life and/or the planet.

Right now you may not know what it was you came to this earth to do, and you may have no idea where you are going. It also very possible you completely know what your purpose, but it is buried so deep beneath anxieties and negativity that it seems intangible. The following will hopefully help you gain clarity on this.

Let’s first start with the story of our parents and the people that had the greatest influence in our life when we were young. Why do you think you were born to these particular people? Why did they have the particular influence on you that they did? You may believe it is completely random, and maybe it is…who is to say…but play along and just maybe you will start to see that coincidence turns more to a coinciding of events which play out in perfect harmony in a seemingly chaotic universe.

If you could pick a life theme for your parents, what would it be? What did they strive for, but never attained? Or what did they accomplish that defined them, and how was this viewed by you and them? You may have not known your parents, but from what you know, what was the theme that defines them? What about the other people who had a large impact on your early years…what was their life theme? One of the things we should look for is what their ideal self might have looked like. If they could reached their goal for themselves, what would that person have looked like? That person may still be evolving if your parents are alive…they may be moving towards that person they want to be, or a they may be receding from it. They also be the person they want to be already.

Really think about this for a moment. Why would you be born to the people, and into the environment you were? How do all these things fit with your own story?

After you have some ideas on this, run through your life up to this point. How has the theme of your parents and those with great influence on your life shaped your journey up to this point? When you think about this as your beginning chapters consider your personality as a youngster, and the experience of growing up – how do these all align with your current vision for your life? Ultimately, how does it show you are evolving and embracing the knowledge of the generations before you?

Twins can grow up with the same friends, same family, the same influences for the most part and have completely different desires. Thus, life appears to be a combination nature (life mapping before we are born – see site) and nurture, not one or the other. Our vision of life now, while maybe not completely clear as a youngster, or possibly clear as a youngster but not clear now, has been in alignment with all our experiences up to this point. We fall off track sometimes, but those slips also aid us…without failing (falling), how would you know how to reach your vision or goals? You can read all the books you want on having the perfect golf swing (just for example), but you will never actually have that perfect golf swing until you get out and try it – and you will fail at first, and may fail forever. But the point is we are evolving, even if we try and fail.

We have gone through certain things because it is our evolution. We must live through the mistakes of our parents and others in order to evolve ourselves and overcome the personal demons inside ourselves which are created by life experience.

To really go through this process is be feel very liberated. Take time to write down some things about your childhood and major life events up until this point. Look at the time line as a story. Remove your insecurities and look at the story line from an objective view and ask “where is this story line going?” You will not longer need to ask why it occurred, because you will know. Your journey has happened for a reason…and that reason is you. It is not a destiny or God pulling your strings. You have gone through what you have gone through so that you could evolve towards what you want to be. So that you could take off where your parents left off, ultimately continuing the legacy of pushing the world towards greater understanding, acceptance, rehabilitation, love, and allowing individuals within the world to explore their creative extremes and desires without persecution.

No one is wrong in their views, and we right now must realize this. We are responsible for our own evolution and this results in an evolution of the world – we each have our own view of this [lLet me divert to explain...doctors believe what they practice because it saves lives and is needed to save lives in great danger. Holistic practitioners also believe in their approach because it saves lives, but may not save a man having a heart attack right now. Both are needed, and while sometimes the side feud, they are both needed as proactive and reactive resources to attain health when we need some help].

Our evolution impacts the people who impacted our lives in the past and who impact our life now. Our evolution is an evolution of everyone around us. To see our own evolution and embrace it is to help others around us come to terms with life experiences they have had. Certain things are passed down to us, whether by memes [think of this as a value or idea gene (or mind gene) which is passed down and affects offspring and becomes part of future generations until altered and then the altered meme gets passed] or experience and we must overcome some of these ideas and elements of our self.

the ideas we must overcome are the ideas that limit us; those that fester hatred in our hearts or result in walls being put up around us to prevent us from being hurt, or which limit our personal view of success or our journey on this planet.

I am not saying our dreams are our parents’, on the contrary, our dreams will be quite different normally. But are the struggles they face with their personalities now faced by you (whether it is by you adopting the traits, or being highly sensitive to those traits in others)? Following your life story, have you found ways to overcome this? Possibly you may have but failed to seize the opportunity when that information did come to you. Or you may have embraced it fully and overcome many of the issues which you must evolve beyond.

Did your parents personalities provide two diverging viewpoints which provided you with a medium ground in which you could see the problems with having one rigid viewpoint or the other?

This is very common, the people who are major influences in our life will bring different issues and strengths to the table. If we take all the strengths from these influences we solve all the issues presented to us by our influencers. This can be hard to see when we are wrapped up in the emotion of the situation, especially when we are young. But as we get older we should be begin to look at the relationship dynamics that occurred, we can look back and see how all the viewpoints created who were are at this moment.

But our story does not end here. We still have our vision which we wish to accomplish for this life. This is our higher vision, which is not limited by insecurities or fears, although they very much may be a driving force behind us wanting to achieve the goal. By this I mean, having gone through anxiety, depression, poverty, mental illness or any other issue, may drive you to fulfill a vision of helping others. This may be case or it may not, only you can know your vision.

In order to achieve this we need to go back and see what we missed. There was a counterbalance of forces at work, and we likely sided with the stronger one and adopted it is as our current worldview. For instance, our father may have been overbearing, rough and abusive. Since the mother accepted this abuse, the abuse will take center stage in our development. But the offsetting passive nature of our mother is also there. We must see where the problem was, and begin to mend it in our own life. We do this by finding the middle ground in the personalities we are exposed to.

Knowing the Conflict Types I addressed a few articles back will help in this.

So, really what is this all about? What does going through this process give us? Well, to become aware and see a bigger picture means less torment as we go through our daily lives, because we can see where it is going. Life becomes interesting because now everything is another page in a story, our story.

When you read a story, you can easily see how the characters are sabotaging themselves, and we can gain that awareness in real life as well so we can avoid doing it (as much). When reading a story we also focus on what is happening to a character now. We know what happened to them in the past, but we see how it led to what they are doing now. We see the whole character, start through finish in the context of the entire universe created by the author. If a story is so clear in this way, why do we never look at our own lives in this way?

This is not a detachment from reality, rather it is an embracing of our entire reality and realizing when we look at it all, it all fits.

Even if the story line is not clear, there is comfort in knowing the journey we are on. While the path we are on may have rough patches and bends we don’t expect, we can still see the path. That should be of great comfort. It is like driving on a road you are unfamiliar with. You have an idea of where it leads, but you don’t know everything that is on the road. It makes it fun, and worth taking the journey. If we look at the path, or our story in this way, it is the process or the evolution that becomes the point, and not necessarily the destination.

Your comments and discussions are encouraged, since not everything could be covered in the article.

Many Blessings,

Cory Mitchell

P.S. This is one tool. It is a possible way to view the world – if it helps you. It is one way to tackle many issues, but it is definitely not the only way.

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