The first part of this series left us with these thoughts:
Opt to express, to live. Not in the shadow of language used to disguise fear and motives we are ashamed of, but rather in honest interaction where we express, so that others can also express freely. In this way we create the highest order of evolution…what some might call self-evolution. Where we are free to be what we are, because it is important to the whole. And we allow others to be who they are because they are also important to the whole…and they are important in shaping our own evolution.
This is the first part of a series of articles that will look at how we can unshackle ourselves from ideas which isolate us, breakdown our communication with loved ones, and ultimately keep us from seeing and facing our own inner demons. We will look at how in fact nothing controls us, not government, not law…only the habits that we have created. This journey will be scary at times. It will force us, both I and you, to face the things we fear the most…our inner power, our responsibility and our purpose. When we are left without excuses the world becomes very large…and at first it is scary until we realize that as a person and as a civilization there are only two things we can do…we can grow or we can protect. When we lose our fear and the need to protect ideas and theories which are nothing but illusions anyway, all we have left to do is to grow into our large new world.
So here we are, at a crossroads between knowledge and “living.” Between having attained an understanding of a concept but not quite being able to bring it into full realization. This is likely where most of us stand, not by choice, for we have strove to evolve ourselves and the world around us, but alas it remains an idea and not a reality.
The idea itself almost seems to become an obstacle. For we create an idea of what our perfect life and our perfect self would look like, and we begin to think about it constantly just like the self-help books say. We continually tell our self that we are this idea, that in fact it is reality…but it does not stick. For some reason we are shackled to our present problems and ideas, shackled to the mental algorithms which keep us from letting loose, from fully loving, from being fully comfortable, fulfilled and living within the warmth of our passions.
So what is this point where so many of us sit? That space between learning and total acceptance?
Well, it is a lie. Not a lie to the person who wrote it or maybe told you about it, but a lie to you. If anything is witnessed which makes us think that we need to be different than what we are currently, it is a lie. We may want to believe the lie, but ultimately a lie is nothing and it can never be grasped or attained.
The obvious rebuttal to this or what our mind instantly thinks is “But I don’t like______________about myself and I want it to change!” And here we have given the lie power. Maybe we see a nice car and wish we made more money, maybe we see a beautiful woman or man (whatever the case may be) and wished we could have them, maybe we want a better job or wished we weren’t so anxious all the time. Whatever we want to change, it becomes our Zahir – the thing that can elevate us to greatness or destroy us. Many of us are already allowing these things to destroy us, so all that remains is greatness. But how?
When we create the idea that we need to change we create a lie. Not only have we created an idea about what we want to be, but we have created another idea that at this moment we are not good enough. With this an internal struggle develops which becomes almost impossible to escape under this model of thinking. As long as we continue to see ourselves in one light and attempt to move our self in another direction, our movement will be slow. For how can we in our current “not good enough” form ever be the ideal? The mind is not fooled by our own attempts to change, rather it knows exactly what is going on and no matter how hard the conscious mind strains to tell ourselves that we different, it just doesn’t work.
We can’t fool ourselves, but we continue to try and the more we do the more painful it becomes. We harden our beliefs in the exact thing we are trying to get rid of. Every time we tell ourselves “I am beautiful” in a way that is supposed to be self-uplifting we reinforce whatever belief we are trying to overcome – such as “I am ugly” “I am plain” etc. You know that there would no reason to tell yourself you are beautiful if you actually thought that you were. The truth exists whether it is stated or not. And stating the opposite does nothing to change our own person truth.
Let’s continue to move forward with the “beautiful” idea, as the concept of beauty causes so many problems today. Some may not struggle with this issue, but still struggle with self-esteem, anxiety about sexual performance, sexuality or anything related to how we think our appearance is or may be perceived in the world.
The word “beauty” has a whole bunch of other words and ideas attached to it in my mind. Each of those words again has a whole bunch of specifications attached to them as well. Some may be: bone structures, weight, skin, hair, eyes, bust, waist, butt, legs, nose, lips…..and on and on. There are so many things we attach to beauty. Then each one of us attaches different specifications to each of these things to create what we consider beauty. For the most part, we don’t analyze the words we use in this way. But if we do, in relation to the points in our life where we are struggling, we can begin to dissect how our own vocabulary is affecting us. Saying we are beautiful to our self seems like a great thing, but if I have brown eyes and no ass and beauty means blue eyes and booty, then saying “beautiful” to myself actually may make me feel worse. But since I don’t realize this, I continue to do it thinking one day I will feel beautiful. But that day does not come.
So the first thing we need to do is analyze the sub-text of the self-talk we are actually using. But while this may help us notice that the self-help books have only given us partial information, we can take it one step further.
Instead of using this type of “Secret” talk at all, we can simply accept the way we look, the way we act, the way we are…and not try to change it.
If you do not feel beautiful then don’t tell yourself you are. Rather, look in the mirror, and say “this is me,” breathe deeply, hold it and let the air out. As you do this – Smile 
Focus on the things you do love about yourself so that these rise to surface. Focus on the things you like and already feel about good about…focus on the truths about yourself you actually grasp.
Better yet, accept the things you don’t like about yourself, and instill those things in the definition of the words you commonly use. Your personal definition of “beauty” becomes exactly what you are, and also what everything else is. Why do other people define what is beautiful or what we should like?
By accepting what we are, we create a change, but that change can’t be our goal. We can’t change ourselves to “beautiful” because we use the word, but by accepting these aspects of our self our ideas about beauty will change and we will be swept along in that change. By accepting our self we open up the possibility to other definitions of beauty, and all of a sudden we start to see it everywhere within ourselves.
Accepting ourself is not a “cop out” for changing behaviors which hurt our self or others. But instead, we realize that inside we are what (or who) we are. The inner person does not need changing, but rather it is behaviors and actions that need to be sculpted. Thus, we realize we are the artist shaping our world, and we can shape ourselves any way we want, but we can’t do it if we are fighting and failing to accept ourself as the artist of our reality that we are.
There was a small scene I witnessed the other day, and when I think about it, so many scenes that could very much use this way of thinking…and it applies to so many things. And please note that if you are using uplifting comments, this is totally fine, and if it is making you feel better, that is great. This article is simply not for you. This article is for people who need an alternative, and who don’t want to reinforce a false ego by convincing them self they are something they are not. This is about truth, acceptance, freedom and new life.
Do not fight what you want to change. Embrace it. And keep this in mind…what we often do not like about ourselves is what endears us to others. The smile you think is weird is what makes someone fall in love with you. The constant nervousness you feel is what makes someone else want to hold you endlessly. But the last thing is…we must share our afflictions with others. There is no greater release than telling someone close to us about what we are going through. We must not do this for their reaction for they may not understand (but if they do we have found ourselves a kindred spirit), rather we realize our “flaws” and by making it public we prove to our self that the problem no longer controls us, and will not contain us.
When hiding in the shadow of our potential greatness it is easy to be appeased by the work that we do within our mind, even if it does nothing to change our reality. To step out from the shadow and embrace the things which made us cower will allow our greatness to come through. It is our personal greatness, not something to be compared to with others. Not having a cigarrette for a whole day is a victory for a smoker, and that person cannot compare themself to a marathon runner and feel ashamed. Rather acceptance of their issue and respect for small victories will create a catalyst for other small victories.
For someone with social anxiety to accept their affliction and smile at a stranger is a small victory. To not look away when someone smiles at them is another small victory and should be embraced. If a comparison is made in that moment to the “alphas” in society we take steps backwards. Your first beater car brought you as much joy at the time you got it as the Ferrari will in the future. Keep this in mind. Embrace the small moments as they occur, embrace them and don’t try to change them. Don’t try to change yourself, you are beautiful the way you are. At least by my definition, and hopefully now by your definition as well.
~Cory Mitchell
P.S. This way of thinking opens up our world, but it requires that we open up to others and most importantly to ourself. This is more internal view - this is really what we need to focus on because it allows to fully partake in the external world. The external world is the internal worlds playground, not the other way around. But alas, many excuses are created for us by the external world. We use these excuses to prevent us from really accepting what was discussed in this article. So the next article will look some of these excuses, break them down and see just how governments, laws, social norms, media and all sorts of other things don’t actually control us at all. With that said, I hope you accept what has been said above, and you fully accept it, and never have to look at this site again
