The Dark Side of Positivity

Something has been on my mind recently, and it is an issues which needs to be addressed candidly.  What had been on my mind is the “law of attraction” and how much to my dismay it is destroying people’s lives.  People are expecting the world to provide them with what they want, simply by thinking positively about it. A delightful notion which self-help readers have gobbled up in earnest. But is there a dark side to this positivity movement? A dark side of the notion that we can fabricate an ideal life and be happy all the time?

I have realized there is a dark side to positivity.  A sinister line between positivity and denial.  For the person positively viewing their future and attempting to be happy all the time- they will not like what I say.  And those that are in despair but want some hope – they too will not like what I have to say either. There such thing as positivity, but what most people think is positivity is actually just denial.

Each of us is born with a set of skills, a schematic of utilitarian forces which allow relativity to exist.  Not all can be rich, not all can be beautiful and not all can be athletic.  But like sheep we are herded into a belief that we can all be something we are not.  A lie is perpetuated that a certain way is better is than another, and that we all must idealize a certain way of living.  In western society there are two primary driving forces which drive people – beauty and money – not necessarily in that order.

We are living in an age of denial, and yet is misconstrued externally and internally as “positivity.” Denial is putting on a pair of blinders and not accepting the world for what it is, but rather living in a fantasy which cannot sustain itself.

Positivity is created by seeing the world for what it is; in this way positivity is really acceptance of the world. Denial (what is often construed as positivity) is the exact opposite. When war and horrors occur the false positivity people (those in denial) look away, pretending it is not happening–that if they don’t see it or don’t focus on it then it does not exist..  Unfortuntely this is true up until the point some who does not realize you are positivity practitioner (and does not care) puts a gun to your friends head.   It works up to the point when an innocent child is raped.

Positivity can not free anyone from what the world is, all it can do is help you through it.  Positivity does not mean denying what is occuring, for this simply brings more hurt.  Positivity also does not mean things will not hurt us, things will.  Ignoring that pain is to be in denial.  Real positivity is being able to sink into the depths of sadness, depression, euphoria and happiness and be able to see it for what it is.  Positivity is being able to sink all these other emotions and know that you will be able to come out the other side a more complete person–ignoring all other emotions except “happiness” is the surest to the a very incomplete person.

True positivity is seeing everything for what it is, by truly opening our eyes and seeing how everything works together.  We see it fully, and may even become depressed by it.  But then slowly we accept the world as it, and when we do, we can actually begin to do something about it.  We move out of the sadness (or whichever emotion is present), and accept it for its place in our life…all without ever losing our empathy.  Positivity rules out nothing as many often feel it should.  If someone wants to help the world, they need to see it for what it is.  That is positivity…taking action in spite of circumstance, not ignoring circumstance.

Yes, in a sense we can live inside a bubble and say that our bubble exists because we created it by positvity – and yet someone who says this has likely never traveled and seen a line of people be gunned by a machine gun.  Seen a man beaten for a loaf of bread or a woman raped because a man simple felt like it and knew no one would stop him.  Thus, we must realize that the bubble can be geographical and it can also vary from person to person based on circumstance.

There is an element of chance of life.  While we can deny this, to do so is to deny understanding to someone who is a product of chance.  My main point here is that positivity is often misused and misunderstood.  When we become so engrossed in our positivity that our beliefs become skewed into thinking that anyone who has a problem must be misguided in their life choices and thus deserving of their afflictions…well, that hardly seems in the spirit of positivity.

When positivity crosses the line of denial (about our own life) and begins to cause judgement of others, it is very likely living has ceased and a bubble has been created.  We must remember that our own personal pursuits are our own, not anyone else’s.   It is us that have chosen a certain path, not others.  Our path is not better, it is simply our own.  If we feel that others may benefit from our way of living, we should live by example, and not simply by talking.

I write this at a time when I realize I myself must do this.  That my path is my own, and I must adjust to life accordingly.  Related to the last post, about the morning, afternoon of our lives, we will each go through different stages, as will others.

Ultimately this post is not to make us self conscious about what we are doing, but to simply make us realize that what we think we are doing, may not be what we are actually doing at all.  If you are not getting the results you expect, or getting the satisfaction from what you are doing, then it is time to reflect on your personal path.  Don’t blame others, look internally.  What is your purpose, what are you trying to be?  How are your actions reflecting this?  Look at every action you take, and ask what your motive is?  By doing this, you will see what your true motivations are…and not simply what you think your motivations should be.

Cory Mitchell